She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
