I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
