I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
