Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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