at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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