Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
