What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
