Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
