If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
