If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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