Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
