He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
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