She said her name was "party"
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
