Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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