Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
