Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
