Nicole vs. Life
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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