my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
