he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
