I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
