you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
