She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
