You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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