my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
and she was petting her beer can
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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