He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
