I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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