$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
