Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
