I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
