so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize