so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
