Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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