I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
