peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
