Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
sex in a hospital.. check
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