Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Randomize
