She's JV to your varsity
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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