she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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