So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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