You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
