y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
