why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
