But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
