If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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