You're my little dorito
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
