Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
