i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
