***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize