I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Holy sore nipples Batman
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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