Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
