How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
