the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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