I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
