Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
