so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
