i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
