I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
