his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
