i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
