i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
