Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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