Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
