i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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