the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
