i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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