The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
