I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
