is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
