he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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