would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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