im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Randomize