dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
