If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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