I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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