i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The beer is more important than you right now.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
