A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Enjoy the penises
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize