if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
