My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
