Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
