I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
