I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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