dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
