I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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