He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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