apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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