Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
